When the New Supply Realizes

This person becomes the narcissist’s primary focus, receiving fake empathy, love, and attention. They are treated like a new shiny object that the narcissist showers with fake affection.

When the New Supply Realizes ©Article cover made by the author using Canva

Before we go deeper, the new supply could be in one of three situations. First, they might not yet recognize narcissism and lack understanding. Second, they could be toxic themselves, possibly worse than a narcissist. Third, they might just not be aware of how common narcissism is. You might have been in this third situation before. 

But soon the new supply will realize their life is about to change dramatically, they’re in for a wild emotional ride.

The narcissist will shower them with fake love, empathy, and care. The new supply often tries hard to please others and may not set boundaries, the narcissist will twist stories to their advantage. 

For example, they might act like a victim, saying things like “I’m always alone, no one stays in my life. I never had the chances others did. Your job looks so fulfilling, I wish I had a career like that. Finding a good place to live has been tough, could I stay with you for a while until I get things sorted?” This is how they often seek sympathy from others.

How Narcissists Target Those with Valuable Assets and New Beginnings

When someone gets into a narcissistic relationship like you once did, as the new supply they’re often vulnerable and don’t know much about narcissism. They might be in a new situation, like starting a job, moving to a new place, graduating, joining a group, or becoming part of a religious community. 

Narcissists go after new people, paying close attention to see if they can use them.

It’s important to know that narcissists don’t target just anyone. 

They use and take advantage of anyone, but they prefer to trap people who have a lot to offer like time, money, energy, love, understanding, status, health, friends, or access to special places or vacation homes in Bali for example. These are the people they want to keep under their control in their narcissistic trap.

How Narcissists Exploit Trust and Conceal Their True Intentions

The narcissist studied you closely, identifying your weaknesses and seeing things about you that you couldn’t see yourself. They made you believe in the fake image they portrayed, manipulating you into a relationship, whether it was friendship or romance. 

At that time, you were open to connecting with them.

However, the narcissist wasn’t honest or sincere. They hid their true self behind a mask and deceived you. If they had been upfront and given you a detailed report saying, “This is who I really am, this is how I’ve treated people before you, and this is what I plan to do with you,” you would have been warned. 

But that’s not what happened.

Instead, the narcissist pretended to be someone they were not like a snake disguised as a harmless garden lizard, so to speak. They entered your life, got involved, and learned everything about you. Back then, you might have shared too much, which is exactly what the new supply is likely doing now, I can assure you.

How Narcissists Use Awkward Silences to Assert Control

When you were with them, how often did awkward silences happen? This wasn’t about the silent treatment, it was those moments in a house, in a trip, or at an event like lunch or dinner when things got quiet and uncomfortable. 

What did you usually do? Most times, you broke the silence by saying, “Hey, are you okay?” and they would reply with, “What do you mean?”

In those quiet times, they were controlling the situation. They wanted to see who would speak first, it was a test of endurance. You might think, “That’s not much of a challenge, Ryan” but it becomes one when it happens over and over, day after day, week after week, year after year.

The narcissist craves control, and those awkward silences were a way to see if you would give in and start talking. 

That’s what you and I did, and what the narcissist will do with the new person they’re targeting.

The narcissist will test the new person every day, they’ll use messages, emails, and gifts to see how available they are. 

The new person doesn’t realize what they’re getting into, they might think they’ve found something great, but it’s more like being led astray. They were impressed by appearances and words, missing the lack of meaningful actions from the narcissist.

How Narcissists Lure New Supplies into a False Sense of Security

Every day the new supply stays in the relationship, they endure or tolerate abuse like mental, spiritual, emotional, sometimes physical, and financial. The narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing, despite claims that they can’t help it.

If you doubt this, either you haven’t been in a relationship with a narcissist, or you’re misinformed. Narcissists live like everyone else and make daily choices: will they do what’s right, or harm others relationship to get what they want? 

Sadly, they often choose the latter.

The new supply is being groomed, manipulated, and trapped. In new relationships, they might feel overwhelmed by affection or a sense of euphoria. 

Deep down, they may wonder, “Is this too good to be true? Can it last?” The narcissist reassures them, saying, “This is who I am when I care deeply. I adore you because you’re special. You’re my soulmate, my perfect match. I’m committed to you and only you.”

The Narcissist’s Strategic Use of Affection to Control and Devalue

When you’re not familiar with these things, especially if you don’t know about narcissism, you let your guard down. You become vulnerable, believing all the harmful things the narcissist says because it sounds too good to be true, because it really is.

Then, after some time maybe weeks, months, or even longer the narcissist says those words: “I love you.” Whether you hear them or say them yourself, it means the narcissist has almost finished their plan. 

They’ve trapped you in a bond of trauma, leaving you confused about how you got here. 

You’re now in the stage where they devalue you. Now, they can start to pull back and see how you react. 

They’ll test if you’re always available, and they’ll hold back affection, time, empathy, love, kindness, and everything. This is when the mistreatment gets worse, and the new person in their life will start to see this, if they haven’t already.

How Narcissists Exploit the New Supply’s Resources and Emotions

The new supply will find themselves spending money quickly. They might overspend on things, They might pay for taxi rides or use other transportation to visit the narcissist, or buy expensive food and vacations they can’t afford. They might even order expensive gifts online to show their love. 

This financial strain can also affect their work productivity.

In the devaluation stage with a narcissist, you’ll think about them all the time, each morning, noon, and night. The narcissist knows this about you. Are they thinking about you the same way? Not at all. After the initial loving phase ends, they don’t invest that energy into you again. 

Their goal from the beginning was to trap you in this devaluation stage.

This is exactly what they’re doing with the new supply. They’re grooming them, leading them into a fog of narcissism a place they’ve never experienced. 

As they enter the devaluation stage, they start to feel the change in energy, just like you did. They’re beginning to see that the narcissist isn’t as kind, loving, or real as they seemed at first.